I read psychology at Durham and this, in my opinion, qualifies me to put the Chairman of the Workers’ Party in Korea and supreme leader, Kim Jong-un, on the couch in my consulting room. I have just ushered out Homan Potterton who came with a swollen head after his swimgloat surrounding the publication of his latest book.
Now, Kim, just lie down and make yourself comfortable. You were educated in Switzerland, you understand Western values but you now rule a pariah state. Of course this makes you anxious. On the one hand your own family and advisers are a threat so, like Macbeth, you have bumped most of them off. By the way, do you sleep well? On the other mitt the rest of the world would like to take you out – and I don’t mean to lunch. This can be very unnerving unless you are a psychopath. We will explore this in our next session.
I believe you were not an especially distinguished student at school? Being stupid is not necessarily an impediment to running a country – just look around. But you should work on your image. Adopting a haircut that suits a hoodlum in Brixton is not what suits a world leader. Of course your inner circle admire it because they are too craven to say that you look like an overweight eejit.
I suppose you are, dimly, aware that you are not popular either within your country or outside? Now we must address this as it must be causing you a great deal of stress. Do you see yourself as a Fidel Castro or a Saddam Hussein? To put it another way, do you want to die an old man in your bed surrounded by your loving children and grandchildren, or do you fancy being bombed by the American Air Force or strung up by your own people?
Please don’t get so agitated, you are quite safe for now, but this is the stark fact you must address. Must you go? Well your time is up and my secretary will give you details of my Swiss bank account to settle my fee. Oh, one more thing, having a dog might be helpful. You could build a non-confrontational relationship that might make you less aggressive. Nero did something similar with his horse. Just remember not to eat it.